Filter, not failure

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

No, that’s not a breakup line — it’s the unfortunate reality of how we’ve been taught to understand rejection in our careers.

It’s time to retire that tired response. Getting a neutral or negative reaction in your career doesn’t mean you’re a failure, but serves as a filter.

The old thinking generally runs like this:

When really, it should look like this:

Getting rejected from a potential opportunity is a form of data collection. If you’ve done your best to showcase your unique value, and the response you get is “not interested,” you have learned something about where you can find your fit. 

And look what happens when we zoom out to view each individual interaction as part of a process:

Every step filters out those opportunities that aren’t right for you until you reach a good outcome. Notice that for that second step above, there are two decisionmakers involved – them and you. If you learn more about an opportunity, whether it’s a job or a project, that makes you question whether you really want to keep moving forward, you have every right to say no. 

It’s no longer true that success at work is a simple matter of matching the right skillset with the right role. It’s also about getting strategic to find the people and places that want to invest in where you can grow. Treat every interaction like an exam where the only options are pass or fail, and you’re sure to be disappointed. But see them as part of a larger process, and suddenly you’re a scientist. Getting results, whether they match your expectations or not, help you learn. And that is what leads to success. 

Happy navigating,
Bridget