Know Your No ✋

Last week I was talking to someone who told me, “I didn’t get anything out of that job. It was a total waste.” I replied, “Well, it sounds like you got a good idea of the type of work you don’t want to do next time, right?”

Recognizing what we don’t want is a skill that is often under-appreciated in our hustle-and-grind culture. It’s easy to focus on achievements solely in terms of what we’ve done – this many steps! This new title! This project launch! We’re primed to say “yes” to everything (especially women, it's science), even when it doesn’t get us where we want to go. 

In my own work, I always tell people that one of my favorite things is when someone tells me that a partnership or project is not the right fit. “You just saved us so much time and energy,” I’ll say with a smile. (This is also why I love ideas like the Stop Doing list that recognize the value of subtracting from our workload.)

Saying “no” is essential to success. Think of this as the navigational tool that gets you back on your career course anytime something has gone wrong, and that keeps you out of the danger zone in the future.

Sometimes, of course, we need to say yes. We take on less than ideal projects or jobs to meet other needs, we trade off based on what we have to work with. But that doesn't mean "yes" should be the default. It comes down to whether your choice is moving toward your goals, or trying to avoid negative outcomes. Are you saying yes out of curiosity – or fear?

How can you learn to spot opportunities for a well-chosen "no"?

• Performance vs. purpose: If you say "yes," is it connected to a larger purpose that relates to your goals? If not, is it possible you're considering saying "yes" so you can perform success on someone else's terms, instead of pursuing it on yours?
• Learn, then turn: Bad experiences can at least teach us to spot the signals to avoid them in the future. If you're seeing warning signs that you might be headed into a similar challenge again, then you may need to reconsider whether it's worth the yes. (I always get that tingle of concern when I see a job posting describing a "dynamic, fast-paced environment" – yep, doesn't feel like a great place for logging off as needed to rest and recharge.)
• Practice patience: Every no is a hidden yes. But it can be hard to wait for the uncertain possibility around the next bend when there's an OK opportunity right in front of you. Are you saying "yes" out of a desire to find some certainty in the short-term, or do you see value for the long haul?

The next time you're tempted to say yes to a career choice, run this quick Know the No test:

1. Am I feeling pressured to say yes so I can perform success? (Yes/No)
2. Is this work I've previously found draining? (Yes/No)
3. Am I saying "yes" mostly to get a sense of certainty about what's next? (Yes/No)

If you've said yes to any of the above, that might show you it's time for a well-considered "no."

Happy navigating,
Bridget

P.S. If you try saying "no" to something this week, I'd love to hear how it goes!